Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other

Editorial Reviews

“I recommend this practical and insightful book to all parents who love their children and seek to preserve their well-being during and after divorce.”

—Hon. Sondra M. Miller, Retired Justice of the Appellate Division of the Supreme Court, Second Department

“In this book, Lauren Behrman and Jeffrey Zimmerman have given divorcing parents a remarkable resource for ‘radical acceptance’ of one’s former spouse as he or she actually is—the starting point for putting aside attachment to who is right and who is wrong, and instead cultivating the conditions in oneself for doing the best possible job of minimizing conflict and maximizing good parenting. Behrman and Zimmerman translate wisdom from many traditions—psychotherapy, brain science, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), mindful awareness, and much more into very practical tools and techniques for moving from victimhood toward competency and equanimity. While their book is addressed to parents in high-conflict divorces, the techniques they offer can make the challenges of raising kids in two households easier for every divorcing couple.”

—Pauline H. Tesler, longtime family law specialist, fellow of the select American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, and founding director of the Integrative Law Institute at Commonweal

“Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other is a valuable, interactive guide for co-parents caught in the struggles of a high-conflict divorce. Authors Behrman and Zimmerman cover a full range of emotional responses and behavior patterns that hinder co-parenting success. With compassion and wisdom, they offer strategies for detoxifying messages and generating positive alternatives that build bridges toward safety, respect, and cooperation that support everyone in the family.”

—Rosalind Sedacca, divorce and parenting coach; founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network

“Expertly weaving contributions from our understanding of the grief process, DBT, mindfulness, and their own extensive work with high-conflict co-parents, the authors provide professionals and parents a guide to healing and building respectful and functional co-parenting relationships, even when they would rather keep fighting. The beneficiaries of this well-organized, practical book are children and building a societal ethic of cooperative shared parenting.”

—Matthew Sullivan, PhD, founder of Overcoming Barriers, a nonprofit organization that provides training and programs for high-conflict shared custody; coauthor of Overcoming the Co-Parenting Trap

“Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other is an easy-to-read, practical guide for parents to reduce conflict and recover from divorce by focusing on the needs of their children. Parents will identify with the emotional challenges that are described and, through meaningful exercises, move into a new, more resilient and centered place. Behrman and Zimmerman walk parents through this recovery process, incorporating vignettes parents can identify with and ideas from brain science, mindfulness, and DBT to develop skills and techniques that reduce anger and build coping. This is a must-read for parents in conflict who want to move on, focus on raising healthy and well-adjusted children, and learn life skills that make them feel like heroes, rather than survivors or victims.”

—Robin M. Deutsch, PhD, ABPP, director of the Center of Excellence for Children, Families and the Law; professor in the clinical psychology doctoral program at William James College; and coauthor of 7 Things Your Teenager Won’t Tell You